she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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