thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
