I cockslap morals
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
