I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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