im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
