When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We talked him into tasing himself.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
