Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
my poor anus
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
