if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
