Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
