Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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