You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
