Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize