so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
