My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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