Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
