Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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