my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
