He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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