he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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