I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
