But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my sisters under your porch take her home
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Found the puke drawer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize