so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
