really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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