It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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