Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize