um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
