she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Welp...herpes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dear god my vagina.
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