The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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