just tell him i said nine months
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
