How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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