Moan for me like Helen Keller
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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