i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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