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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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