The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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