i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
