well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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