Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
