Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
