I think I died a long time ago.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
