I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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