he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
