So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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