I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
should my penis look like a turkey
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
