When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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