Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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