I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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