So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
