You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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