I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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