I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
