Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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