this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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