apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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