OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
