Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
