Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
