you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize