What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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