1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
