Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize