i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.