So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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