Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
