I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?