i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear