my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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