covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
