I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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