Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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