Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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