There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
