He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
