Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
