I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
