it wasn't lemon gatorade
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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