): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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