So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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