they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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