Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
