I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have aggressive nipples.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
