I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
