I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
