Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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