Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
