Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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