I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
