And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
