He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
