tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
