I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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